I am only 19, but ever since I was old enough to think of such things, I have wanted a child. I can’t really describe this yearning, but it is very real. The other night, I dreamt I had a baby. I didn’t go through the actual labor, but I was taking care of a child, and I knew for a fact that it was mine. I was so happy that I was actually crying tears of joy throughout most of the dream. The dream simply consisted of me taking care of the child. I remember the whole dream, and even now I can clearly picture the child. Now to my problem... I think of the child all the time now, as if the child actually was mine, and now that she’s (it was a girl) not with me, I sincerely miss her. What’s my problem?

--Katherine, Age 19, Santa Barbara, CA, USA

Hi Katherine -

I think it is great that you are as excited as you are about becoming a mother. Your child will be fortunate to have such a caring and attentive parent.

I think your dream is a fairly straightforward representation of your thoughts and feelings. You would like to have a child very much, and in the dream you were very happy when you were with the baby. You write, however, that the dream has caused something of a problem for you, precisely because it was so powerful.

It is the most natural thing in the world to want to have children. It also is natural to look forward to the event with a happy sense of anticipation. And it is natural to dream about hopes and concerns that are on your mind. I think the fact that you described your current situation as a “problem,” however, suggests that you feel that you are concentrating too much on becoming a parent right now. If you feel this way, then your intuition most likely is right. I would venture that you may be spending a lot of time “fixating” or “obsessing” on this dream of your child, and on your desire to be a mother, when other tasks also are demanding of your time right now. The reason why this is a problem is because “now” is most likely not the best time for you to have a child. Remember, you don’t want to be so carried away by your desire to have a child that you forget all the very serious responsibilities that go with it. If you don’t prepare carefully for your child you run a very good chance of making yourself, the baby, and the father (have you considered your husband?) unhappy. You need to find a father who loves you and who also wants to raise a child with you, you need to be able to financially support your child, and you also want to have the child at the right time in your life. Judging from your e-mail address I can see that you are a student right now, and you must recognize that having a child today would most likely push back your completion of undergraduate education 10 years or more, and possibly forever. Because way does lead unto way.

If I were you I would enjoy your dream as a foreshadowing of the great joy that you surely are going to derive from having children. It’s an important goal of yours - so do your best now, while you are single and relatively free of responsibility, to prepare your future home. You’ll be glad you did - and so will the rest of your future family.