A couple of years ago I had a dream that disturbed me slightly. I was about 30 or 31 at the time I had the dream, and my sister is a year older than me.

In the dream, we were both a couple of years younger (maybe around 25), and we were in our childhood home, in our bedrooms in the attic (in the dream, I had a slight sense that we were just visiting and didn’t actually live there - maybe we were home for a vacation or holiday or something). I had been in my room masturbating. Then my sister called me in to her room, where I saw she had her pants off, and she had a penis! It was long and not very thick, and it did not feel real - it felt more like rubber, but it was definitely “attached.” I was surprised and interested, but only mildly, and not sexually. It was more like it was an interesting tidbit of information. Though I did “play” with it, and wondered if it worked in all respects, and was curious and all that. Through the whole thing, she remained my sister, and did not turn into my brother or anything like that.

I remember when I woke up that I thought that “I” would be the one more likely to have a penis - I am more “masculine” than my sister, I think - a more masculine career, more independent, taller and broader physically :-). As a kid, I’d had people ask me if I were a boy or a girl. Plus I think I am more broad-minded than she is (I don’t know this for sure, though). I might even have been a tiny bit jealous that she had this new toy to play with, though it was only a tiny bit of jealousy, because she now didn’t have her female organs.

I have no idea what this dream means.

--Christine, Age 33, SC, USA

Hi Christine -

Freud would have clucked and filed this dream under “penis envy,” though I don’t think we have to go that far in our analysis. Heck, let’s just call your dream desires for what they are - sexual curiosity - which is about as natural as the sun coming up tomorrow morning.

Your dream reflects a logical sequence of thoughts beneath its manifest content. You were dreaming about sex in an exploratory context (masturbation) when your curiosity about “what it would be like to have a penis” popped into your mind. As is common in dreams though, your dream did not suddenly depict yourself with a penis. Rather, it was your sister who suddenly called you into the next room -to show you her penis.

The question you raise is: why your sister, and why not yourself? There are two likely answers to your question. Either it would have been too unbelievable - in the dream - for yourself to have a penis (you would have recognized that you were dreaming), or your sister had the penis because a part of you objects to the fantasy of yourself having a penis. In this latter “disguised wish” scenario, your sister is serving as a convenient substitute for your own curiosities. And who, after all, could be closer to you than your very own sister?

I think the key insight you lend us into the dream is that “I might even have been a tiny bit jealous that she had this new toy to play with, though it was only a tiny bit of jealousy, because she now didn’t have her female organs.” Your view of her penis as a “toy” that she could play with suggests a “playful” curiosity more than anything else. You also are clearly not in any hurry to lose your own, female, organs - which indicates your contentment with your own sexuality.

Anyone who hasn’t wondered what it must be like to be a member of the opposite sex - sex and all - must not be very curious, or sympathetic. After all, the better we understand each other, the better couples we can be.