I dreamt that someone told me a mysterious person was going to propose to me from under a table. The person who appeared was my ex-boyfriend’s father. He asked me to marry him. Although I considered all of the negatives I said yes, not really considering my ex-boyfriend, although I was surprised the person was the father and not the ex-boyfriend.

The ex-boyfriend and I broke up a number of years ago. We see each other from time to time and never have had very much closure. I have never gotten over him and was close to his family. I never had any romantic feelings about his father, and in fact never thought about his father, so I am curious why he might have appeared in my dream.

—Anonymous, Age 24, Single, USA

Hi Anonymous—

Your dream is confusing because it shows you accepting a marriage proposal from your ex-boyfriend’s father, rather than from your ex. When dreams displace our attention away from the true source of the dream’s meaning (in this case onto your ex’s father, instead of your ex) they often do so because it would be too difficult for us to “see plainly” the emotions we are feeling. In other words, your ex’s father, in this dream, is a thinly disguised version of your ex!

Because you never achieved closure in your relationship together, the issue of your ex remains emotionally difficult. In the dream you weigh the pros and cons of the marriage proposal, which is a reflection of your mixed emotions about your ex. (Would you go back to him, if he demonstrated a serious intention to commit?) The dream indicates that you would, even though you have had hard times in the past.

In this context, your dream’s choice to represent your feelings for your ex through the symbol of his father is additionally significant. Because you were close to your ex’s family, at one point in time you almost certainly held hopes that you would become a member of it. Your marriage to your ex’s father, accordingly, represents your desire to “join” your ex’s family—to create a new family together. A final significance of your ex’s father may relate to his age. Age in dreams is associated with emotional maturity and financial security. Would you like to find a partner who is mature and who can offer a secure lifestyle—materially as well as emotionally?

Your dream does not mean that you are literally attracted to your ex’s father. Instead, the dream indicates that you still are leaving the door open to your ex, despite misgivings you have about the relationship. Accordingly, your dream is encouraging you to examine clearly your motivations for staying involved with him. The dream indicates a strong emotional bond with his family—of which you are aware. (Nevertheless, a family does not a marriage make!) Similarly, your dream suggests it may be time to listen honestly to your misgivings about your ex, to understand why you hold doubts about your future success together. If you hold different values, are on different time schedules, or if you feel that he does not treat you well, these are important signs to move on.

The true meaning of your dream of engagement is that you are ready for a committed relationship. If your ex isn’t going to be the one, then it’s time to make a decision. To create the physical and emotional space for a new lover to enter your life, you will need to close this door to your past firmly behind you.