I have this recurring dream about my former husband. It’s driving me crazy. I dream about him and his current wife about 4 times a week, if not more. She is usually pleasant in the dream and usually his children are in it. We never had any together. The last few times that I dreamed about him, he was going to leave her and he said that he wanted me to be his wife, not her. In the dream, I always want him back, but then when I look at his current wife and children, I tell him no, that I couldn’t break up a family.

It always seems that I feel so jealous and alone in the dream and I cannot stand her. She changed my house around and I hated it. And, she has children and I don’t.

But in real life, I don’t want children anyway, (I don’t think), and I believe I am content with my life the way it is.

I’m not sorry that I divorced him at all, I know that.

So, I just don’t understand these dreams that I am having.

-Anonymous, Age 42, Louisiana, USA

Hi Anonymous -

The grass is always greener on the other side. I think you may be feeling jealous that your ex now appears to have the “perfect family” - the nice wife, the happy children, the house in suburbia, etc. - while you have chosen to go a less traditional, and less secure, route. Instead of worrying about the past - what you might have had or could have had - I think you need to concentrate on building your own life now, apart from your former husband.

For whatever reasons - you two made the decisions you did. It was not a workable situation, and your decision to separate has led to where you are today. It is important to respect your past, and the decisions you made. At the same time, you don’t want to hold on to the past - because it’s not here. Now is the time to concentrate on your future - what goals you have, what dreams you want to create, what lifestyle you choose to live now. The past is over, and you have to let go of it. I think you will feel a tremendous sense of liberation when you realize how flexible your future is.