I was sitting on a toilet and put a pillow behind my back on the toilet. I tried to go to the bathroom but couldn’t. My doctor came to my house and I showed him a video of my husband and me, the video was in slow motion. As we were watching it, I felt surprised that I was showing it. In the video it said something about my husband’s struggle. The doctor asked me if my husband was still struggling. I said no, but now I was struggling to have a baby. He said I could get pregnant. The doctor and I were in a yard, we both lay down. I asked if he wanted a pillow. He said no.

I went back into the house (which was not my house) and a man and his son and daughter-in-law were in the house with suitcases. I said they had the wrong house. The older man was ready to leave. They said they were sure it was the right place because of the brandy and cigars. I then realized it was a police sting and I was to hold the three there until the police arrived. I looked outside the window and saw a police car with four policemen. They came in and took the three away. My husband said to the older man, now you can write your script. My husband was telling him about adjectives. But the man got belligerent.

I opened the blinds, which I was surprised were closed, and behind the blinds was my cat. I was holding my cat and he was waving goodbye and talking as the three left. The dream then switches locations and I see my mother standing behind a bar, she said something about my hair. I blew up and started screaming about how I couldn’t take the criticism. I was very angry.

Something about me: I have been trying to get pregnant for over two years.

--Christa, Age 35, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Hi Christa -

I am sorry to learn of your difficulties conceiving. It is well known that Mother Nature moves in mysterious ways when it comes to delivering our children. On the other hand, many women take matters into their own hands on the road to conception - and are successful. Have you visited a fertility specialist yet for tips on conceiving? You may also want to visit The Mining Company’s Trying Times diary - a website that chronicles one woman’s efforts - eventually successful - to conceive. She says that after eight months of listening to her doctor’s advice (without any results) “to relax and be patient” - she finally became pregnant when she began to listen to her body, and actively chart, and take charge, of her fertility!

I agree that your dream reflects your current frustration with the conception process. Pillows often are used as props - under the hips - in the conception process, which is why I believe the pillow shows up twice in your dream. Going to the bathroom - trying to expel an object (a fluid) from your body - represents giving birth. The location of the pillow behind your back - and the fact that you are unable to go - indicate your difficulty conceiving. Your doctor appears in the dream because you are thinking about the medical reasons for not having conceived yet - while the slow motion video of yourself and your husband - which you are surprised you are revealing to this doctor - symbolizes the slow pace of your conception efforts. The doctor tells you he can show you how to get pregnant, and you both lay down - but as you note in the dream - he declines the pillow. Being male - he does not need it.

The next section of your dream appears to concern family issues related to this theme. A man with his son and daughter-in-law arrive at a house carrying suitcases. They are ready to move into this house - or at least stay the night or so - but you tell them they are in the wrong house. The older man says he is sure he is at the right house, because of the brandy and cigars. I suggest that the house represents your future family home (in a metaphorical sense), the brandy and the cigars represent the anticipation of childbirth, and the son and daughter-in-law in the dream represent yourself and your husband. (It would be logical in this scenario for the older man to represent your father-in-law). This sequence reflects family pressure you feel regarding the expectation of childbirth. Your husband’s family has an expectation - a script - that they expect you to follow. Your husband, however, was discussing adjectives with the older man, which made him beligerant. Adjectives are modifiers of nouns. It appears that your father-in-law does not want his script modified. (Does he have a temper?) Finally, the appearance of the police suggests your desire that an authority power or figure enter your life and relieve you of these stresses and expectations.

In the third major section of the dream you are surprised to find your cat lurking behind some closed blinds. At this point your dream is revealing a transference (which is often unconscious - i.e., behind closed blinds), that many people bestow upon their pets - that they are “our children.” Cats - owing to their size and to the fact that we frequently cradle them in our arms or drape them over our shoulders (like newborns), and due to the fact that we feed, take care of and are responsible for them - frequently appear in women’s dreams as symbols of babies. At the end of your dream, the family pressure theme re-emerges. Your mother appears behind a bar - which indicates an association with alcohol - and she is criticizing your hair - your appearance. At which point you lose it and tell her you can not tolerate her criticism. Relationships between mothers and daughters - when they are dysfunctional - often are competetive. Perhaps you feel your mother is criticizing you for not having children yet?

I thank you very much for submitting this dream - which is rich in its revelation of the stresses, anxieties, and pressures women face as they traverse the often agonizing path toward conception. I recommend that you visit the link provided above so that you may share in the stories of other women who are experiencing the same set of concerns and pressures that you are - it will help you to recognize that you are not alone. The link will also lead you to excellent resources for taking a hands-on approach to conception - including free software that will help you to chart your periods of ovulation with greater precision than you may currently possess. All of which, Mother Nature willing, will speed you to that very happy, first positive pregnancy test result. We wish you the best of success.