In the dream, I and another woman had just had babies, but they somehow disappeared (no grieving, we just both seemed to be OK with it). But later, I was home in my bedroom and kept seeing "things" moving in the mattress. One turned out to be a newborn, which disappeared when I grabbed it. Several other times, I'd "pounce" on the moving bump in the mattress and it would be a pacifier. If I grabbed it and quickly held it to my chest, it would materialize and stay; but if I didn't move quickly enough, it would just evaporate, too. This seemed to go on forever.

My son Boz (my "baby"), 15, went hunting with an uncle for the first time this weekend, and I missed our usual time together. Somehow, I think this dream may also tie in to my objective of finding my oldest two sons, in their 30s, who were adopted at birth and raised by others. Perhaps it's also referring to my pursuit of the Ever Elusive Sleep? I have a sleep disorder and never seem to get any rest!

—Marjorie, Age 53, Divorced, San Francisco, CA, USA

Hi Marjorie—

Your sleep disorder is keeping you awake at night, and it's giving you lots of time to think. This is why your "babies" are shown hiding inside your mattress. All that time that should be spent sleeping—is spent worrying about your kids!

Your son's recent hunting trip, in real life, is a symbolic initiation into manhood. Your "baby" is leaving his younger years behind, on the path to developing as a man. As a result of his trip you missed your usual weekend together, which is a foreshadowing of future separations. In the dream your son is represented as a baby and as a pacifier, both of which you must hold tightly to prevent from disappearing. Now that your 15-year-old is growing into a man, do you feel a precious time in your relationship drawing to a close?

At the same time that your son is beginning to assert his independence, your thoughts have wandered to making contact with your two older children, now in their 30s, who were adopted at birth and raised by others. In the beginning of your dream, you and another woman deliver the babies but somehow they disappear. Significantly, there is no grieving at their loss, and you "both seemed to be OK with it." The feelings in the dream almost certainly reflect your feelings at the time of adoption, over 30 years ago. When you placed your children up for adoption, you knew it was the right thing to do.

Your dream reflects fears of being separated from your 15-year-old son that have grown to encompass your desire to make contact with the children you placed for adoption. If you do decide to contact your birth children, you may wish to visit Adoption.com an extensive online resource not only for birthmothers and adopting couples, but also for children who wish to reunite with their birth parents. We wish you every success in your decision.