I recently got married and moved across the country. I’ve been very depressed, unhappy with my marriage and experiencing great feelings of disappointment and being trapped. I love my husband very much—he’s the kindest, most honest and gentle man I’ve ever met in my entire life—but I’m not attracted to him anymore.

Recently, I’ve been having a lot of dreams about babies and giving birth. My most vivid dream was that I had given birth to a sickly, underweight child. I was attempting to breast-feed and squeezed my right breast and all that came out was blood and puss. My child could not breast-feed and didn’t eat for his first two days. When I could finally nurse, it was very difficult and he only ate once.

Other dreams I’ve had about babies included giving birth to plastic doll children that fell apart on delivery, and lots of dreams about breast-feeding children that didn’t exist at all. I did have an abortion 8 months ago (before my husband and I were married) but I don’t know why these dreams would be tied to it since I don’t feel any guilt about the abortion. I didn’t want a baby and neither did my husband at that time. We do plan on having children in the future, but no time immediately.

—Sarah, Age 27, Married, Female, Redwood City, CA, USA

Hi Sarah—

Babies in dreams often are literal representations of hopes and fears about childbearing in our waking lives. Symbolically, babies also can represent the “product of a relationship” between a romantic couple.

Given the background you provide, it’s not hard to see that both these interpretations apply to your recurring dreams of babies and of giving birth. You are involved in a troubled marriage, and you recently decided to terminate a pregnancy, in favor of a more opportune time for raising a family.

The images contained in your dreams are disturbing. The sickly, underweight child that you deliver and attempt to nurture most likely represents the status of your foundering marriage. You inform us you are depressed and unhappy, and feel trapped in your home life. The blood and puss that flows from your breast shows us that you no longer feel you can give this relationship the emotional food it requires.

Your dreams of doll children falling apart on delivery, and of breast-feeding non-existent babies, both are common in the aftermath of abortion. The first dream graphically represents the abortion procedure you underwent. The second reflects the physical and emotional preparation of your body for being a mother (breast-feeding), coupled with your awareness that the child “no longer exists.”

You tell us your dreams surprise you, because your decision to terminate your pregnancy was made prior to your marriage, and because you feel no guilt about it. Is it possible the true meaning of your dreams, accordingly, is that you do not wish to make a second error in judgment? Specifically, is it wise, loving, or responsible, to bring children into an already unhappy home?

Your dreams clearly reflect difficult events from your past and present, but they also carry a potent message concerning your future. Fortunately, the first step on the path to tomorrow is obvious. It’s time to take this marriage to the emergency room (relationship counselor) to see if you can bring it back to life—before you bring any other parties (babies) into the equation. Do not bring new children into your home, if they will not have the healthy family they need to nurture their growth.