First, I am married. We live more like roommates then intimate bed fellows. It has been like this for most of our relationship. I have started having dreams about a fellow co-worker. We already are pretty good friends. We also work well together on the job. My dreams are of him and they are very real. “We” are married, “We” have an intimate, passionate, sexual relationship, “We” have our own land and home, and “We” have children. I dream about him frequently and the dreams seem to pick-up where the previous one left off. We both are having similar dreams and the coincidences in them are amazing. Please tell me what’s going on.

--Angel Eyes, Age 36, Binghamton, NY, USA

Hi Angel Eyes -

Isn’t it clear from your dream what is going on? You are dreaming of having an affair - or of getting divorced and trying a new relationship with this man - and apparently so is he.

Your dream is reflecting many desires that - we infer - are not being fulfilled in your current relationship: romance, family, homeownership. And who could fault anyone for desiring these things? Additionally, you are 36 years old - so surely time is beginning to play a factor in your thinking. If not now, when? If not the man I am with - then who?

These are not easy questions to answer - especially if you have been in a committed relationship for several years now - but they are critically important - and they are important now.

I hate to resort to cliche, but I really do think it is in your best interest - that’s your best interest - to see a marriage counselor. Go by yourself at first - so you can discuss your feelings in private before discussing them with your husband. Judging from your dream report, you are the one who is unhappy and thinking of leaving the relationship - so accordingly - you are the one who has to figure out your feelings.

I am ambivalent whether to encourage or dissuade you from your new romance. It takes courage to leave relationships that are stagnant and unhealthy - just as it takes courage to buckle down and work to re-vitalize relationships that are sound but that have drifted off course. Deciding which situation you are in - unhealthy or essentially sound - is a decision you need to make - and thus I strongly encourage a counselor’s guidance. I also encourage you to be realistic about both the opportunities and the costs of your actions. At the beginning of a relationship - when there is strong sexual attraction - we often overlook aspects of the other’s personality that later we find incompatible. Is your new man the real deal, or is he a fantasized distraction from work that needs to be done at home?

It’s your call - but it’s such an important decision, and one so especially prone to emotional torrents - that the only logical thing to do is solicit as much professional advice as possible. Listen to what you hear, listen to your heart, then make a decision and go for it!

We wish you the best of luck - no matter what you path you choose.