I desperately need your help. Here’s the situation: I have trouble with relationships. I’m always getting hurt and I just finally decided, “Hey, what’s the point?” and I don’t ever want to get somewhat involved in a relationship again.

But then I had this dream....and in my dream I met this guy. It was like I was living a whole other life. He was everything I’ve ever wanted and we fell in love, it was so real. I could feel and taste and hear EVERYTHING, it wasn’t like a dream at all. But then he died and I woke up crying, but when I went back to sleep I dreamt that we were together again, having snowball fights, kissing, holding hands....but he died again right before I woke up crying.

This continued throughout the night. When I got up the next day, he was all I could think about and I felt pain as if I had been in love with him and he really did die. I still feel it. Now every night when I go to sleep, he’s there, in my dreams and we have a relationship, but every time right before I wake up he dies. I’ve heard that dreams are your second life and is it possible that this could be happening in my second life? I just really need help because I don’t know how to deal with this pain I’m feeling.

- Lira, Age 14, Anioch, CA, USA

Hi Lira -

Your dreams sound like a modern-day Romeo and Juliet, except every night you have to live the whole relationship over and over again! (Which would be OK, if we could just get rid of the dying part...)

I am sorry to learn of your relationship problems. I think you are learning at a young age that hearts are tender, and need to be taken care of.

It’s normal to be “sick and tired” of relationships after we get hurt a few times. Sometimes the pain is so great we wonder “What’s the point?” Why bother with all the flirting and romance and expectation, if all that’s going to happen in the end is we wind up with a broken heart?

The reason why your dream lover dies is because you are aware, in the real world, that you haven’t met this perfect guy yet. He doesn’t exist, which is why the dream keeps showing him “not alive.” I know it’s a sad ending, but it’s also a fairly healthy sign. It shows that, even in your dreams, you still have a good sense of reality.

The other thing that’s clear from your dreams is that you are a very romantic person. Let’s face it - the first half of your dreams are pretty good! You are in love, laughing, kissing, holding hands, having snowball fights. Obviously you have a lot of love to give. The question you need to answer is: Who do I want to share my heart with?

Don’t give up on love, Lira! Because when you do find that right person, it will be even better than in your dreams. Today you are learning to be careful with your heart, because it’s too painful to give it away to the wrong person. Tomorrow you can start working again to make your dreams - especially your dreams of love - come true in the real world.