It’s actually a dream my boyfriend is having practically every night—and always if I’m in bed with him. We have been having a lot of fights lately but still love each other and are best friends.

He has been dreaming that he is murdered or dead and I’m at the funeral, sitting in the front row hysterical. He can see me there. He’s trapped inside his dead body and he’s yelling and trying to get to me but he can’t, because he’s trapped.

Please help. He is starting to be afraid to go to sleep at night!

—Jane, Age 18, Single, Female, Sydney, AUSTRALIA

Hi Jane—

No wonder your boyfriend is starting to get scared. Dreaming of being trapped inside your own dead body is not the greatest thing to look forward to when you close your eyes at night!

Death is dreams is a consistent metaphor for change, growth, and separation. In your case, because you two have been fighting recently, your boyfriend may worry that he’s in danger of losing you, and he may feel helpless to stop it. This is why he dreams he is dead (separated from you) and that he feels he can’t speak or communicate.

Another interpretation of your dream would be that your boyfriend’s death really indicates change and growth in himself, that he is having a hard time communicating or expressing to you. When we dream that we die, it almost always is a metaphor for growth—that we are “moving on” in our lives—and that an old part of ourselves, or a former self-understanding, is passing away.

You and your boyfriend are lovers, but you also are best friends. Because you have been having a hard time communicating lately (fighting a lot), this dream is a sign that it’s time for you both to make a renewed effort to listen better, and express your feelings honestly. In a world where change is constant, good friends need to give each other freedom to grow. The old saying really is true: The best way to hold on to a friendship—and a lover—is with open arms.