Last night I had a dream that involved my ex-girlfriend. In the dream, I walked into a place that I assumed was my old high school, but it didn’t look like my old high school. My sister was sitting next to me on a table and I was sitting on a couch.

My ex came in the room, took one look at me and yelled my name in excitement. She then rushed over to me and jumped into my lap. Her body felt different somehow, resting against mine. She seemed to be proportioned differently. In no time we were kissing and I felt intoxicated by her small lips and mouth. I then looked over to my sister, and she told me, “You shouldn’t kiss her,” but I couldn’t stop.

When my ex left the room I found myself apologizing to my sister (she didn’t like my ex-girlfriend). The next thing I know I’m going to my ex’s apartment—which also doesn’t look like her apartment—but I know it is.

Her family is having dinner or some sort of meal but her mother, whom I love a great deal, looks at me disappointedly. I look on a couch and there is this little boy whom I have never seen. He begins telling me about his brother’s haircut.

I feel strange but in a flash I am in the bathroom with my ex. She says she wants to have sex with me. I’m so excited that I begin thinking about the two of us engaged in intercourse. For some reason I told her I love her but she said, “no you don’t. ” I assure her that I do, but she then asks why I haven’t called her in a year. We spoke a little over a month ago, but I feel disgraced by her comment and can’t say anything in return. Then I woke up.

What does this dream mean? I need to know as soon as possible because...I don’t even know why! I just don’t want to think about her anymore.

—Owlwalker, Age 19, Single, Male, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Hi Owlwalker—

Wow! It’s not too hard to read the message of this dream: Breaking up is hard to do! You’re trying to put this girl out of your mind, but she’s sticking around longer than you thought!

On the “plus side” of things, it’s pretty clear that you were definitely sexually attracted to your ex. You like kissing her, and even when your sister disapproves, you just keep on going!

Soon though, all the guilty feelings you have about leaving the relationship begin to haunt you. When you go to your ex’s house for a family dinner, your ex’s mom gives you a disappointed look. What’s the meaning? She’s sad that you are no longer “part of the family.” Your ex’s mom, whom you “love a great deal,” hoped you were going to be a son-in-law. The symbolism of the young boy on the couch, who begins to tell you about his brother’s haircut, most likely is another reference to family.

With all this family around, you start feeling strange (kind of like the “odd man out?”), but your ex tempts you with sex. As soon as she does, you begin telling her you love her. (Love her for sex?) Your ex wisely corrects you. If you really love her, how come you don’t call her on the phone?

You tell us you don’t want to think about your ex anymore, Owlwalker, but your dream suggests she’s still attractive to you sexually. It’s also clear that you don’t like disappointing her family, who grew to love you as “one of their own.” Unfortunately, there’s no easy solution to your mixed emotions. It’s hard to say good-bye to old loves. If you really want to leave her behind, though, it will help if you don’t pick up the phone.