First for a little history... I met (what I thought was) my first love a little over a year ago. This guy would control everything about me. He would tell me how to act, what to do, and even told me who I was going to be. I didn’t realize that he was rewriting my personality until I went away this past summer for about 3 weeks. It was the first time that we were ever separated. It was a beautiful trip to Hawaii and yet I cried the whole time; this was a time of awakening for me. I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person only because I was scared to break away. When I came back, I did break up with him and his way to get me back was to write letters about me trashing my reputation... passing them around school (those types of childish things). Well, I lost the majority of my friends because they actually believed all those lies. But, it created another time of awakening for me. I had to learn who I was again, this person whom I forgot and I had to be strong. I stayed basically away from the dating scene for about 6 months, but now I have found someone else. I met him and it was almost like a “love at first site” (sorry for the cliché, but it really happened). This guy, Mike, treats me how I want to be treated. He lets me be me and it’s wonderful. The two of us are basically the same moral wise, but we are different enough that we can learn from each other. We enjoy the same types of things so there is always something to talk about and always something to do. I don’t know HOW to describe it.

OK, Now on to the dream. I have been having reoccurring dreams where this big black giant spider is always walking around and scaring me. I am bigger then the spider and I know this; but still I run from it. Well, last night I had this dream that I was downstairs where the computer usually is, but it wasn’t there last night. The spider was under the table and I grabbed the wood chair that I sit on at the table by the back and started to hit the spider with the chair leg. I remember thinking that I hate this spider and that I was still a little scared of it. Next thing I know, Mike is standing behind me (I can’t see his body... maybe his eyes, but I do hear him), and Mike says, “Hit him again Jess, he isn’t dead yet.” Well, I guess the spider magically jumped to the top of the table, even though I didn’t see it, where I started to pound it with the chair leg till its greenish-gray guts were splattered on the gray walls. I wasn’t scared of it anymore. After the thing was dead I remember Mike giving me a big hug and saying something like “Well done.” I also remember feeling like I have finally accomplished something and I felt happiness.

The only thing I think that this could mean is maybe with the help of Mike I splattered the guts of all those things that were bothering me in my past... I really need help interpreting what the spider actually is. Could it be depression? Ever since I met Mike, I have not been sad and nothing has let me down.

- Jess, Age 17, Baltimore, MD, USA

Hi Jess -

Congratulations on crushing that annoying spider! Judging from your dream report (thanks for being so detailed as to the background), I definitely think the spider represented your ex, and some of those nagging feelings that were left behind by the negative experience you had dating him.

Spiders are creepy creatures. They also trap their prey in invisible webs of elaborate design. I think your ex-boyfriend’s behavior - sending the letters after breaking up with you - certainly fits the description of creepy - and it also sounds like he was trying to trap you - control you - in his carefully designed web. No wonder you dreamed that he was like a spider!

I am impressed by your maturity in managing your emotions and relationships. It is hard to end relationships with people that previously we cared a great deal for - but your trip to Hawaii, as you said, was an awakening for you. On that trip you realized that your relationship with your ex was not healthy - that you were with him for security instead of love. And despite all his worst efforts to make your life miserable once you told him goodbye - you stuck to your insight and did not let all the other distractions - his letter writing campaign and telling lies about you to your friends - sway you from your decision.

You describe both your difficult experiences - realizing he was not right for you and then having to deal with all his immature behavior - as periods of “awakening” for you. Surrendering illusions - about ourselves, our “friends,” our lives, our families - never is an easy process, but I think you are well attuned to your own sense of inner guidance. You trusted your inner voice, and as you said, it did not let you down. Though you went through a difficult period, you have grown and become a wiser, happier person in the process.

I don’t think this “old” dream of your ex - the spider - is going to bother you any more. As you observed in your dream, you are bigger and stronger than he is - and I think you have proved it not only in real life - but also to yourself. Congratulations again - and keep listening to that inner voice!

JESS REPLIES:

Dream Doctor:

I wanted to thank you for reading and commenting on my dream - “a creepy spider.” I thought that the spider might have been my ex but, I was not sure. Things always sound more convincing when others say them. :^) I wanted to let you know you are right; I am a MUCH a happier person now. This guy, Mike, could be the one and yet, he might not be... but, what I have learned from this situation I will have forever... it will never go. (One of the things) I have learned in the past few months is that one can neither go back to the past nor change it; but, one CAN learn from it. And that is what I have done.

P.S. Mike says “Hi”... :^)