I’m a 17 year old who has been recently diagnosed with Depression. I have also been struggling with the urges I have of commiting suicide.

For four nights in a row I have been dreaming of my Creative Writing teacher, Mrs. Johnson, who has been a great support ever since I confessed to her that I was suicidal and very severly depressed.

In the first dream I was in her class and she had just announced the assignment of the day which was to write of our plans for New Years Eve. I told the class of my wish to celebrate New Year’s Eve at a ritzy New York City restaurant. The restaurant would overlook Times Square. There would be excellent music and a grand feast. I would be wearing a beautiful evening gown with lots of sequins.

When I told the class of my wish she began to make fun of me. She told the entire class that I was too poor and I would never be able to celebrate a New Year’s Eve as such. She stood there in front of the class making fun of me for the whole period, laughing and mocking me.

The second night I had a dream that she, Mrs. Johnson, was my sister. She loved me lots. She had taken me shopping in Greenwich Village into these small thrift store like shops. She bought me a suede leather skirt with a rainbow Native American print on it.

The third night I had a dream that she left her husband and began to date one of the security guards at our school.

The fourth night I had a dream that a group of her students including me went on a field trip with her to City Hall. We were having a seminar on racism and stereotypes. We (the students) had discussions and played games. For lunch we ate pizza. There was also a radio playing in the background. My X-boyfriend was there and so were his friends.

All of a sudden Mrs. Johnson stood up and announced to the class that I was suicidal. I was planning to jump off the balcony at City Hall. She started laughing and repeating over and over again that I was stupid and suicidal . . . stupid and suicidal. Everyone one was laughing and laughing. The students started calling me crazy and pointing at me. I was so angry at hearing their deafening laughs that I started hurtling people across the room. I started to kill people, slit their throats with my mind. (Very much like Carrie, in the movie, did at her prom.) The only person that was left unharmed was my teacher because she was pregnant.

--Jenilee, Age 17, Single, Norwalk, CT, USA

Hi Jenilee -

First I want to thank you for sharing your dreams with Ask the Dream Doctor. It takes a lot of courage to talk about depression and some of the feelings that go along with it.

When you confided in Mrs. Johnson that you recently were depressed and also had suicidal urges, I think you felt two feelings. Happy to have found a person who might really be a good friend, and also nervous that maybe you told her too much.

Your first dream reflects this fear of betrayal very plainly. After you tell the class your hopes and dreams for New Year’s Eve, Mrs. Johnson starts putting you down, telling you you’re too poor, you could never afford a New Year’s Eve like that, blah blah blah... And she does it for the whole rest of the period. It goes on and on... How humiliating!

The second dream reflects the other side of your feelings. In it, Mrs. Johnson is like an older sister, and you two go shopping together in cool shops in New York. She buys you things, and she takes care of you. I am sure this was a happy dream!

In the third dream, Mrs. Johnson leaves her husband to date a security guard at your school! It’s a strange dream! What could it mean? Here’s a possible explanation. Is it possible that you wish you had Mrs. Johnson all to yourself (she leaves her husband) so that she could give you that extra-security you need right now? :-)

The last dream, I am sure, was the scariest. Mrs. Johnson begins to betray your trust again, and finally you can’t take it anymore! Suddenly you are able to telekinetically harm and kill everyone who is laughing at you, like Carrie at her prom. It is interesting to note, though, that the one life you spare is Mrs. Johnson’s—because she is pregnant.

Your dreams show some of the different ways you perceive your relationship with Mrs. Johnson. It would be great if she was like an older sister. It would be horrible if she betrayed your trust. Fortunately, Mrs. Johnson almost certainly is going to function somewhere in between these two extremes. She can’t be your sister, but she can be a good friend when you need her. She also will never betray your trust like you fear in your dreams.

What’s the significance of her being pregnant in the last dream? Most likely it symbolizes the future of your friendship together.

Mrs. Johnson is an important friend in your life right now, Jenilee, but your dreams suggest that you need to keep your expectations, and your fears, about her in balance. You shouldn’t be expecting her to come to your rescue, or to betray you either.

Keep up the great work of learning to understand your feelings, Jenilee. I think you deserve an A+—for keeping it together in trying times.