I recently had a dream that made me really sick. I am pretty shy around girls and even if I like someone, I could never tell them because I have a massive fear of rejection. I think that stems back to when I was around 10 and I mustered up the courage to ask this girl to a dance at my summer camp, but she laughed at me and went to her friends to tell them what I said. I used to be fat, but I have lost a lot of weight now and have had plenty of chances to ask another girl out. Anyway back, to the dream...

I was walking with two of my friends down a street at night and I saw a girl who I had never met before. She was wearing (for lack of a better word) slutty clothing and I started talking to her. She gave me a look like “please take me now,” and I threw her into a car and I ripped off her clothes, but then she asked me to stop. I kept on going, however, and she was obviously upset. I was very agressive.

Now that I look back on it, I feel terrible that I didn’t stop and respect her feelings. I am a virgin and I have never ever kept doing anything when a girl feels uncomfortable. What does this mean? Am I going to be a rapist or something?

—Anonymous, Age 16, Single, Male, Syracuse, NY, USA

Hi Anonymous—

Whenever you find your self acting aggressively in a dream, take it as a sign that you are feeling frustrated, and a bit angry, in your real life.

I am impressed that you still remember the time, 6 years ago, when the girl you asked to dance at summer camp laughed and told her friends. Dating can be brutal some times, and it really can hurt when you are just ten years old—and someone calls you “fat.” That girl obviously was not a nice person.

If we ever get hurt in a romantic relationship (and who doesn’t?), one of our first reactions always is to blame all men, or all women, as being cruel and untrustworthy. For example, after your bad experience with a single girl at the camp dance, you were terrified for years that all women would treat you the same way—would point and laugh and run away—if you ever asked them on a date, or even just for a dance.

Was you fear justified? Absolutely not. In fact, if you had just told that girl she was a loser, and gone on and asked some other girls to dance, you would have been on the dance floor in no time. Just because one girl was a jerk doesn’t mean they all are.

What’s the message of this dream? That experience you had a long time ago still hurts, and it’s making you feel angry towards other women. The best way to get over your hurt feelings, though, is to meet other girls who are nice, who don’t act like jerks.

Whenever you date, you’re bound to meet other people that you don’t like, or who don’t like you for some reason. (You can’t please everyone!) A long time ago, you met a “bad apple.” Don’t let her spoil the whole basket! It’s time to get back out there! Keep dating, until you find the girl you want!