I dreamt that one of my close friends that recently passed on had come back. She had said that she had to hide and get away for awhile, and see who her “real” friends were. I didn’t want to believe her and kept asking who she was and what she was trying to prove. It was quite upsetting.

We ended up going for a ride, stopped and bought strawberries and kept going. She was quiet, not how she usually is. I asked her to drop me off, she said no. I asked again, please just drop me off. She said, “You have to come with me Jen, you’re not getting out, you have to come with me.” I got scared and opened the door and the car stopped right in front of the place we bought the strawberries.

I went to run in and she hollered, “I wouldn’t go in there if I were you!” I went in to look for my boyfriend and went into the bathroom and it was full of blood! I ran upstairs and found him and told him what happened. He looked out and saw her, grabbed me and said, “That wasn’t her. Don’t look at her.” As we were leaving she waved, and I woke up.

Her name is Chrystal. She passed away June 7, 1999. She was only 22 years old. I grew up with her and have been missing her. I’ve had dreams of her before, but never this freaky.

—Jen, Age 23, Female, Married Common-Law, Kitwanga, British Columbia, CANADA

Hi Jen—

I’m very sorry to learn about Chrystal’s passing. It is always hard to leave a good friend behind.

When the dead come to visit us in our dreams, we often ask them how they could possibly be alive again, when we know that they are dead? The dead often explain that they didn’t really die. They just went away for a while, and now they are back.

In your dream Chrystal informs you that she didn’t really die either. She decided to hide for a while, so she could find out who her “real” friends are. Instead of being happy to see your old friend though, you soon begin to feel like you are haunted by a ghost. Chrystal won’t let you out of the car, and at one point you even walk into a bathroom full of blood. (Did Chrystal die in a bathroom?)

Chrystal next challenges you to prove your friendship. At one point she even tells you that you have to “come with her,” and that “you’re not getting out.” Distrusting this uncomfortable vision, you refuse to go.

Often when our friends die suddenly, and at a young age, those of us who are left behind feel a weird touch of “survivor guilt.” Why did we live, we ask, when our best friend died? Should we have died instead of our friend? Is it fair for us to go on living, when our best friend doesn’t have the same option?

I am sure this dream spooked you, Jen. In it, Chrystal acts like an unfriendly ghost, and as you say, it was “freaky.” I encourage you to recognize, however, that this dream isn’t about Chrystal coming back. To the contrary, it’s really a reflection of yourself wrestling with the difficult questions posed by Chrystal’s death. Is it fair for you to go on living? Should you come and join her - so that you two still are together? Indeed, what would a “real” friend do?

While Chrystal’s life had a sad ending, I am sure that, as a “real friend,” she only wants happiness and success in your own life. Accordingly, I believe you (and your boyfriend) are wise to distrust this distorted image of friendship that appears in your dream.

What’s the message? It’s time to let go of these old ideals of friendship, and to let go of your guilt about Chrystal’s death. Real friends celebrate each other’s success, and wouldn’t deny anyone an hour of life in the sun.