I’m a 21 year old male from South Africa. I’m currently studying in Pretoria, which is about one hundred miles away from my home, which is in Durban. From 1994 to 1996, the last three years of my schooling career, I took a liking to a girl who was two years younger than me. She knew that I was interested, but I just could not bring myself to go up and to talk to her. Incidentally, she was very beautiful. She was not like the rest of the girls, she was very quiet and usually kept to herself.

I knew that there was something between us because we were always casting those secret glances at each other. She knew I was looking at her and I knew that she was looking at me. Her friends told me that if I had to ask her out she would say yes. BUT I did not. Now when I think about it, I become struck by an overwhelming sense of regret. I also found out that she was not as innocent as I made her out to be. She was known to have a number of boyfriends.

Between 1997 and 2000 I did not really think about her much, but just yesterday I had this extremely long dream about her, it involved us being back at school together, we were on a field-trip. I don’t remember much of the details but I know that we had a marvellous time and at the end I kissed her. I recently found out that she is studying at one of the colleges in Durban. I also know that she has steady boyfriend. I heard about this a few months ago, so I don’t know if she is still going out with him. I will be going back home soon, so I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it all means because I’m contemplating on going to see her and to tell her what I should have told her years ago. It all sounds a bit silly because we don’t even know each other, personally that is. Do you think that I’m doing the right thing? PLEASE HELP!

—Ruven, Age 21, Single, Male, Pretoria, SOUTH AFRICA

Hi Ruven—

Next time you want to say “Hi” to a girl and can’t think of a way to break the ice, take off your watch, put it in your pocket, and go ask her the time. Then you can ask her if she comes here often, if she’s studying for a big test, if she’s looking forward to fall/winter/spring break, if she likes the school, if she thinks the professors are good...etc. There are so many things you two could talk about! But you need to get the first words out!

Whenever we have romantic dreams of virtual strangers we always are curious as to the meaning. Was the dream precognitive? Was it a sign that we should look up our long lost friend?

Given the background you’ve provided, and the fact that you also felt passionate with her in your dream, I think it’s clear you two have chemistry together. Now that you’re a few years older, why don’t you put it to the test? The fact that she’s stayed on your mind this long is significant, as is your dream.

The Dream Doctor’s advice? Look her up! Tell her you heard she was in town from a friend, and that you always wanted to meet her. Once you get the first words out, I don’t think you’ll have a hard time talking at all!

Good luck!