My fiancee and I split up several months ago, and since that time I have had vivid dreams about us. As time has passed they have occurred with less frequency. Most of the dreams have been about past events between us, but the one I am questioning seems very bizarre and unreal to me. In the dream, he and I are still engaged but I have not been able to convince him to set a date yet. I am giving birth to our first child (I have no children in real life, nor am I pregnant), and the dream skips from me starting to have contractions to the hospital after giving birth. He is not in the hospital room after the birth, and my family is reluctant to let me see the baby, which is a boy. Finally, the nurse brings the baby in, and he has earrings in his ears! A gold ball is in one ear, and a gold hoop is in the other. I am completely flabbergasted, and scream “Who did this to my baby?,” to which the nurse replies “The father.” I am extremely upset about him doing this without my consent, but still want to get married. I convince my fiancee to meet us at a high school choral concert, not letting him know that a preacher is going to be there to marry us. I am standing with our families by the preacher when he comes in. I become upset thinking that I won’t get to have “the big wedding” with a wedding cake and a long, white dress. I become depressed when I realize that I will be married in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt while holding a newborn baby. The concert is in my high school gym, and when my fiancee enters the gym, he realizes what I have planned. He says that he won’t marry me, and we get into an argument. As we are fighting they decide to start the choral concert, and we have to yell above the singing to hear each other. He tells me again that he refuses to marry me, and I run off into the woods with the baby, crying. I keep running, with the baby in my arms, and my fiancee and my parents chasing after me. That’s where the dream ends and I wake up.

Thanks for your help!

--Andrea, Age 21, Columbia, SC, USA

Hi Andrea -

Your dream seems to reflect an ongoing desire, within yourself, to be married. It also seems to reflect your sense of disappointment that “the big wedding” - which I am sure you have daydreamed about for many years - didn’t happen.

It is interesting that you have a baby in the dream, and that the baby is decorated with earrings - one a gold ball, the other a gold hoop. Could the earrings be an engagement ring in symbolic form - the ball is the diamond - the hoop is the band? The wearing of earrings suggests a bit of a rebel’s style. Was your ex the rebel type? Also, would your having a baby (by your ex) be a rebellious act on your part? How did your parents feel about your ex?

We all know that children are the natural result of engagements and marriages, but the baby in your dream seems also to represent the love that you shared and expected to be sharing with your ex right now. Falling in love - at least my experience of it - is metaphorically a lot like giving birth. You create something very special between two people. And, when relationships don’t work out, it is very hard. As the dream ends, you are running away into the forest with your baby. Symbolically, I don’t think you want to let go of the love that you two created together. I also think this a very natural response to the sense of loss you feel.

On a less positive note in your dream is the fact that you tried to trick your ex into getting married with you! This is not the open and willing path of lovers. Have you considered some of the reasons that you want to get married at this point in your life - to the point where you actually would trick a lover into becoming married to you? You may want to fit in with your friends, you may want to have “the big wedding” you always have imagined, or you may simply not wish to be alone. All of these motivations, while natural enough, actually are suspect reasons for becoming married. Indeed, they suggest that you are more concerned with yourself - and with “getting married” as a selfish goal - rather than having a marriage which is a partnership of equals.

Marriage is not something you want to rush into, or do for the wrong reasons. It is a decision you will live with for the rest of your life. You are 21 years old, and while you may now be disappointed about your recent breakup, you may also, in the future, be grateful that you had more time to help you make such an important decision.