I have recently been torn about whether or not to break up with my boyfriend. I’ve been feeling like I need more space to have fun and do whatever I want (see other people). But I do love him, and he is very sweet.

In my dream I was somewhere and somebody got a phone call. Whoever she was said that my boyfriend was dead. All I felt was “numb.” The next day, I was at my Grandmother’s house in Oklahoma. (I now live in San Francisco. She doesn’t approve of my relationship, because it is interracial.)

I started to grieve, and cry uncontrollably. I went out onto her front porch and sat on a swing (like the kind on a playground) that was off to the side. My boyfriend came to me, but I knew he was still dead. A man in a station wagon taxi filled with dogs pulled up in her driveway at the same time. My boyfriend held me while I cried and said, “Nothing happens when you die, you’re just alone.” Then he was gone, but I felt much better like I would see him again.

My dog went and got into the taxi. My grandmother made me call “someone” to bring the dog back. So I did, and some other man brought the dog back. When I woke up, all I could think about was how much I love him and don’t want to lose him.

I recently cheated on my boyfriend with someone that drove a taxi. Although I didn’t know him “biblically,” and it only happened once, I feel really guilty about it. As for the dogs, a major issue when my boyfriend and I lived together was that he didn’t like my dog. Since the dog is now living with my Grandmother, we don’t fight about that anymore. I still can’t help thinking I could never spend my life with someone who doesn’t like animals.

—Anonymous, Single, Female, San Francisco, CA, USA

Hi Anonymous—

Why do they call it love when it hurts so much.....???!!

Dreams of friends, family, and lovers dying always are disturbing. We tend to think literally about the dreams—and wonder if they were precognitive—which makes us worry (in real life) about our loved ones dying.

Death actually is a consistent symbol for change in dreams, and for fears of separation. In your case, both meanings apply. You currently are contemplating a change in your relationship, yet you also fear the consequences of such a decision: separation. Your dream expresses this symbolic meaning of death when your boyfriend explains, “Nothing happens when you die—you’re just alone.” And so it will be if you decide to split up. Neither of you will die, but you will be alone.

At the same time your boyfriend visits you on the porch, a taxi appears in the driveway. Given the background you have provided, this taxi almost certainly is a reminder of the mixed feelings that you still hold about a recent “extra-relationship” fling. But before you begin to feel guilty (again) about this affair, may we direct your attention to reconsider this cabby’s “fare?” His cab is loaded with pooches! You are a dog lover, and find it hard to imagine living with someone who doesn’t share your appreciation. Is it possible, in retrospect, that this taxi driver was filling needs that weren’t being met at home? By loading his cab with dogs, your dream suggests that you and he shared a common sensibility.

But alas! You are at your grandmother’s house! The setting of the dream at her home in Oklahoma suggests her disapproval of your relationship still weighs upon your mind. Is it possible she also would disapprove of you “giving your heart” to a taxi cab driver? Your dog (heart) hops into the cab for a short ride, but your grandmother instructs you to bring her home.

What the message of this dream? If you want to date other people, separation is part of the cost. But you also can’t neglect a heart that (like a healthy dog) needs space to roam.

The Dream Doctor’s advice? Next time you see a cabbie carrying a carload of dogs, flag him down! If he’s a man with a good heart, your grandmother will approve.