I just broke up with a guy that I was dating for 7 months. I have had the same dream twice (once while we were together, and once since we broke up). In the dream, I am at his house. He is never there. He is out with friends. I look around, but I know I have to get out before he comes home. I am not sure how he would react with me there.

I don’t know how I get in the house to begin with, but the dream always starts with me feeling frantic—like I have to get out before he comes back. I keep looking outside for his car. In one dream as I was leaving there were people there—like a party was going on—and they didn’t know who I was.

—Sara, Jacksonville, FL, USA

Hi Sara—

Houses in dreams represent our selves! In your dream, you are aware that you are inside the house of your boyfriend (symbolizing being in his space, in his life) and you feel uncomfortable—as if you are an intruder, entering without permission.

The fact that you had this dream while you were dating indicates that occasionally you felt shut out from your ex’s inner, private life, and that he “guarded his territory strongly” (you do not have permission to be there). The urgency you feel in the dream suggests a strong penalty should you be discovered getting too close to this man.

The presence of strangers in the house who don’t know you shows that you felt compartmentalized in this man’s social life as well. Did you know his friends, and did he allow you into his inner circle? The dream suggests that he did not, and that you were aware of your exclusion.

Your dream is a warning, Sara, that the man you were dating was controlling and emotionally unavailable. What’s the message? It’s time to leave through the front door—and to not look back. You deserve much better!

Dear Dream Doctor—

I am stunned at how accurate you are. This was a very guarded man, and the “strong penalty” I paid for trying to get close was that he pushed me away... until I had to end the relationship.

While I was not excluded from his friend’s lives, I was excluded from his family. His excuse for not letting me get close was that we worked for the same company, and he did not want his personal life shared with others within the company. I suspect that he was hiding something else though.

Hi Sara—

Congratulations on leaving this lonely heart behind. Lovers share—and build—new houses together.