I have two children. After the birth of my son I decided to have my tubes tied. I felt that this would be a good decision because I wanted to be able to give my kids individual attention and that, with any more than two, I would not be able to do that. My doctor tried to tell me that something could happen to my child, and would I want to then have another child, and I told him no because I could never replace my children. Birth control had failed me in the past (I felt really too young to have children although I am married). I do love my children and am glad I have them.

My dream is one that I have had at least twice. In the dream my daughter (my oldest child) dies and each time people around me have tried to console me, only for me to tell them that I can’t believe she died and now I can’t ever have another child. I think that I probably know what this dream means but I want a second opinion. Please help me as I feel so guilty that I have dreamt twice that my daughter dies. The first time she died in a car accident the second time I can’t remember how.

--Chantal, Age 22, Douglasville, GA, USA

Hi Chantal -

When your doctor informed you that you might, under extraordinary circumstances, one day regret your decision to tie your tubes, he was performing his duty to advise you of all possible scenarios that might affect your decision. Unfortunately, his words of caution - that you might one day lose a child - appear to have awakened within you every mother’s deepest fear.

It is a curiosity of dreams that our fears and anxieties often seem better represented than our hopes and desires. (It is also true that we tend to remember disturbing dreams more than others). But given the background you have provided, your dreams most likely are nothing more than literal representations of the bleak picture which your doctor painted. In other words, the death of a child is every parent’s greatest fear, and your dream simply is reflecting this fear. Accordingly, I do not think your dream is precognitive - nor does it subconsciously indicate that you “want” your daughter to die. To the contrary, your dreams show that you care for your children very much.

It is natural to feel a bit of the “jitters” when we commit to a big decision in our lives. The reason why your doctor cautioned you about your tubal ligation procedure is because, in most cases, it is irreversible. Another factor entering his mind is your age. You are a young woman, and your life will change a great deal in the next ten years.

When all is said and done though, no one knows your body better than you do. And I see no reason, from this dream, to doubt your intuition. In fact, why don’t you practice the following visualization when you lay down to sleep tonight?

Picture your children at all stages of their development. See them riding bikes, flying kites, playing with cats and dogs. See them in school and making friends. See their first dates and senior proms. See them graduating high school and setting out to college. See Mom and Dad (that’s you and your husband, now!) also - growing into a happy and healthy marriage as well. Having fun, making time for each other, and working hard to be the best parents you can.

If that’s the “dream future” you and your husband want, then there’s nothing that can stop you both from building it. Start today!