I recently had a dream that began with me sitting in the waiting room of a court, on trial for a murder I committed in self defense. I didn’t know who I had murdered or how, but I felt that I had shot someone.
I remember sitting in the waiting room thinking how frustrating and frightening it was that I had killed this man in self defense for attacking myself and my son, and yet I couldn’t prove it and no one would believe me. I had been convicted of first degree murder and was waiting in this room for the jury to come back from the penalty phase. I knew that I would either receive life in prison or the death penalty.
They brought my 7 month old son to me for me to say goodbye to forever, because he was being placed in foster care. I felt so horrible. This is how my dream ended.
Current events that might be related: My baby’s father just told me he is moving to another state and wants shared custody of our son. I decided that I would seek child support, since he hasn’t paid any money yet for his son’s care, although they have a close emotional bond. I feel bad for my son since he worships his father and won’t be able to see him as often, and I also don’t want him to be away from me to visit his father. What is unusual about this dream is the fact that I remembered it. I only remember maybe two dreams a year—if that many—and the ones I do remember always are emotional and vivid.
—Cristin, Age 29, Single, TX, USA
Hi Cristin—
The message of this dream is that you feel like your baby is about to be taken away from you—and you don’t like it one bit!
The courtroom in your dream is a reference to your current legal proceedings (asking for child support, negotiating custody rights and visitation schedules), but it also is a symbolic location where feelings of guilt and punishment are being weighed. In the dream you feel guilty for having murdered a man, but you also feel that your crime was an act committed in self defense. You were trying to protect yourself and your baby! Could there be an act more natural—or just?
Murder in dreams is a common metaphor for anger, and for our desire to “make someone go away.” Your baby’s father’s recent decision to move to another state has forced you into complex legal and emotional waters. Is it possible that, at a subconscious level, you wish he, and this entire situation, would “simply go away?” Is this desire the “murder” for which you feel responsible?
The sentence pending before you is death or life in prison. Death most likely represents the separation you feel in advance at being forced, legally, apart from your child. Life in prison is a likely allusion to the future. You are aware you will have to endure this shared custody agreement for the remainder of your son’s pre-adult life.
If you haven’t already visited a marriage and family counselor, now is a great time. A good counselor will inform you of your rights and responsibilities as a single parent, and should be able to refer you to a lawyer or legal services outfit for representation in court. As you prepare earnestly for your future, your feelings of anger and helplessness will steadily transform into feelings of empowerment. The future will look different than you hoped (it always does), but with care and attention, it—and your son—both can flourish.
