I’ve been having these recurring dreams where I wake up feeling intense fear. They started last fall, after a visit to a dear friend of mine. I’ve thought that I was in love with this woman for years now. It had been a few years since I had seen her, being that we live hundreds of miles apart, but we kept in touch with each other off and on.

During the course of us knowing each other, from my point of view, it seemed like we’d always had these near-connections—in terms of taking our relationship to the romance level—but circumstance always seemed to prevent it from happening. I suppose I went into our reunion with an expectation that perhaps this was the time for us to connect. I believed, and still do to a certain degree, that she’s my soul mate. But during the visit, I discovered that she had just renewed a relationship with an ex-boyfriend, who was also a dear friend of hers.

That night, I had an intense nightmare that Michael Meyers, the killer from the “Halloween” movie series, had entered my mother’s bedroom and was about to plunge a huge butcher knife into her sleeping body. Just before he was about to do so, I screamed, and woke up screaming. I’m pretty sure that my mother in my dreams represents a symbol of love, the unconditional type that mothers usually provide. I suppose the type I was looking for from this woman.

In case you’re not familiar with the story, in the beginning of the movie “Halloween,” Michael Meyers, as a child, sort of peeps into his older sister’s room while she is getting dressed. (I cringe to think of the connections here). He then kills her, is sent to a mental hospital, then escapes as a young man, and goes on a killing spree, particularly chasing his surviving sister.

I had this nightmare a few months ago. In waking life, I suppressed the disappointment of my reunion with the woman of my affection. But since then, I’ve made sincere efforts to accept that the connection with this woman I was looking for isn’t in the mix, and have focused on moving on. But for the past couple of weeks, I’ve had these Michael Meyers dreams at least once or twice a week. In these dreams, he’s not as much of a threat as he is just a presence. But that feeling of fear still looms. What the heck does he really represent—so I can make a better effort at getting rid of this fear—and indeed move on?

Anonymous, USA

Hi Anonymous—

Given the background you provide, I have to agree that the woman in the dream who is sleeping (your mother), who is about to be murdered, represents an “ideal” of love, similar to that which exists between a mother and son. Accordingly, your dream suggests that your recent romantic disappointment has “killed” or “murdered” your hopes for this type of relationship developing between yourself and your friend.

Your dream symbolically represents the “death” of an illusion. The woman you are interested in has indicated, through her actions, that she does not reciprocate your feelings. The reason why your mother is present in this dream, and not your love interest, is because your mother represents the type of love you hoped to find.

It is normal among men and women to look for romantic partners who remind us of our parents. Our desire to find a partner who possesses qualities like a parent is healthy—if we had a good relationship with our parent. Where it often becomes problematic, however, is if we want the relationship so much, that we begin to “project” qualities of our parent onto a potential partner, imagining that they really are like this person, when in reality they are not. This prevents us from seeing our partner clearly—for who they really are.

Mike Meyers in your dream almost certainly represents yourself—your awareness that your love was an illusion. Death in dreams is a consistent symbol for change. Accordingly, your dream represents your own awareness that this illusion has been severely challenged, and is about to “pass on” (die).

It is difficult to surrender illusions we have held about loved ones, and of ourselves. Ultimately though, as we live and learn, we find that illusions never serve us well anyway. They are substitutes for reality, and soften the blow of life’s hammer, but in the end, anything that interferes with our perception of reality needs to be viewed with distrust.

Relationships maintained from a distance offer the most room for fantasy, because there is less day-to-day evidence to interfere with our dreams and imaginations. The gift that this type of romantic disappointment bequeaths us, however, is a liberation from naivete. Next time our romantic hopes are raised, we will sniff around many more times, because we will not want to be misled by our overzealous heart yet again. The lesson hurts, but it is a genuine rite of passage on the road to adulthood.

Because your dream is violent, it suggests you retain some angry feelings—which also is natural in the wake of disappointment. The Dream Doctor’s advice? Allow yourself to absorb the anger and the loss, because you really do want to learn from this experience. If you become bitter and unable to love in the future, then you will have lost the game of love. The goal now is to understand and forgive, so that you are able to love again in the future—once you find the right girl.