About 8 months ago, I found out that a high school friend of mine had gotten pregnant and had a child. Ever since then, I have dreams every so often that I go and see her or that I run into her somewhere. The one dream in particular that I had that really bothered me was one in which I went to her house to visit her for the first time and it turned out that I was her boyfriend (not the father of the child, but the boyfriend). The problem is that in every dream, this one in particular, I felt that she had been waiting for me to go see her.

I have not seen her since she had her child and I think that maybe I am scared to see her. Could this be the reason for these dreams? Also, I have been in a relationship for almost two years and am perfectly happy. Why am I having these dreams and why do I fell so nervous after I have them? In the dreams, there is never any sexual activity but I always feel as though I am cheating on my girlfriend. Your help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.

P.S. After reading some other dreams at your website I have some questions.

1. Could this girl be really trying to contact me?

2. Should I try to go see her?

--Andrew, Age 21, Marietta, GA, USA

Hi Andrew -

I think you should go pay a visit to your friend. I think it is clear from your dream reports that you care about her - as a friend - and wonder how she is doing. She most likely would enjoy seeing you as well. Now that she is the mother of an eight month old, you two have a lot of catching up to do. There have been some big changes in her life, and I’m sure your life has moved along as well.

I think the tension you feel in your dreams arises from a belief you hold that, somehow, if you pay a visit to your old friend, that this is equivalent to wanting to go on a date with her. This concern is reflected in the dream where you appear as “her boyfriend.” Often in relationships, couples can be insecure about their partners and can feel threatened by old friends. Do you think your girlfriend will feel threatened when you tell her you want to visit your friend? From what you have written there doesn’t seem to be any reason why she should. You have stated that you are happy with your girlfriend, and you two have been together a significant amount of time.

A bit of insecurity in a relationship is natural enough. A lot of insecurity can ruin what otherwise might have been a great relationship. Couples need to trust each other, and they need to give their partners room to breathe. Talk to your girlfriend, tell her about your dreams, and tell her that you want to go see your old friend. And when you go - make sure you hold up your end of the bargain. Don’t do anything your girlfriend wouldn’t want you to do. These small steps - when they are successfully completed - are how you build trust in a relationship.