I am constantly talking in my sleep about other women. I am getting myself into trouble with my girlfriend. I talk about other women, people we know. I love my girlfriend. Regardless, our relationship isn’t anything to write a love story about. We have our problems like any other couple. I care about her feelings though and don’t want to hurt her... Yes I think about other women, I want to be with other women, but why can’t I just keep it to myself? Is there any way for me to stop talking in my sleep? I am ruining a good thing here.

----Jeff

Hi Jeff -

Boy do you have your hands full! Dreams usually are private events, but here you are with a mild case of sleep-talking, and judging from the content of your dreams, it’s getting you in a whole heap of trouble!

(It’s actually pretty funny, if you view it from the right distance...)

As I said, usually our dreams are private affairs. The reason why we normally don’t talk during our dreams is because during REM sleep our bodies actually become paralyzed. Commands for movement are intercepted in the reticular formation at the top of the brain stem. Because of this, we are able to “sleep” through our dreams.

Have you ever watched a cat or dog sleep on the floor in front of you? When they dream, they often twitch; for example, occasionally you will see a dog’s legs twitch and move like he is running or chasing something. In his dream, he almost assuredly is - be it a rabbit or the neighbor’s cat. What you are witnessing though is an imperfect interception of the commands for movement. Some of the commands are squeaking through, and this is what makes the dog’s legs move or the cat’s whiskers twitch.

What is happening in your case, with the sleep talking, is the exact same thing. You aren’t getting up out of bed and acting out your dreams, (that would be a total failure of the paralysis system - clinically called REM Behavior Disorder), but some of the signals are squeaking through. In this case, you are a sleep-talker.

If this really is problematic for you, I suggest you try some over the counter sleep aids that may help you achieve a deeper sleep, and which also will cause your muscle tone to relax a bit more - both of which may help the sleep talking. If this doesn’t work for you, you may want to explain your problem to a sleep physician and seek his advice.

It is not a great sign in a relationship to be dreaming sexually of other partners. Occasional dreams are considered normal, but anything frequent or recurring suggests that you are not fully satisfied and are looking elsewhere for fulfillment. Since this woman is your girlfriend and not your wife, you may want to explore dating other people. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to settle down yet! :-)

Best of luck. Be sure to write back if any new developments unfold!