I’ve been having these recurring dreams where I wake up feeling intense fear. They started last fall, after a visit to a dear friend of mine. I’ve thought that I was in love with this woman for years now. It had been a few years since I had seen her, being that we live hundreds of miles apart, but we kept in touch with each other off and on.
During the course of us knowing each other, from my point of view, it seemed like we’d always had these near-connections—in terms of taking our relationship to the romance level—but circumstance always seemed to prevent it from happening. I suppose I went into our reunion with an expectation that perhaps this was the time for us to connect. I believed, and still do to a certain degree, that she’s my soul mate. But during the visit, I discovered that she had just renewed a relationship with an ex-boyfriend, who was also a dear friend of hers.
That night, I had an intense nightmare that Michael Meyers, the killer from the “Halloween” movie series, had entered my mother’s bedroom and was about to plunge a huge butcher knife into her sleeping body. Just before he was about to do so, I screamed, and woke up screaming. I’m pretty sure that my mother in my dreams represents a symbol of love, the unconditional type that mothers usually provide. I suppose the type I was looking for from this woman.
In case you’re not familiar with the story, in the beginning of the movie “Halloween,” Michael Meyers, as a child, sort of peeps into his older sister’s room while she is getting dressed. (I cringe to think of the connections here). He then kills her, is sent to a mental hospital, then escapes as a young man, and goes on a killing spree, particularly chasing his surviving sister.
I had this nightmare a few months ago. In waking life, I suppressed the disappointment of my reunion with the woman of my affection. But since then, I’ve made sincere efforts to accept that the connection with this woman I was looking for isn’t in the mix, and have focused on moving on. But for the past couple of weeks, I’ve had these Michael Meyers dreams at least once or twice a week. In these dreams, he’s not as much of a threat as he is just a presence. But that feeling of fear still looms. What the heck does he really represent—so I can make a better effort at getting rid of this fear—and indeed move on?