I used to have a recurring dream that a friend and I were suffering from an incurable disease. I stopped talking to my friend shortly after this and the dream went away. It’s been two years and now she is back in touch with me and wants to be friends again. I’m afraid that if I pick up the friendship I will have the dream again. This frightens me in that all of the bad dreams I have had as an adult about myself always come true - (four car accidents in particular where I had no control of the situation). What does this mean? (My mother used to have some of her dreams come true also - dreaming of faces/people she had never met, then meeting them the next day; woke up the same instant my brother was involved in a 100 car pile up 1500 miles away, etc.)

--Karen, Age 30, Mansfield, MA, USA

Hi Karen -

I don’t know if your dream could speak more clearly. The message of the dream is that you don’t have a healthy relationship with your friend. You feel - when you are with her - that together you suffer from an “incurable disease.” But this - clearly - is not news to you. You stopped talking to her two years ago.

Now that she wants to be “friends” again (was she ever really a “good friend” - if you quit speaking to her and you now hesitate to resume contact?) you are wondering about your dream. Specifically, you are worried that your bad dream might return. Secondarily, you are worried that you might really become ill - that is, that you actually might contract the infectious disease you dreamed about.

Unless you two shared intravenous drugs, then your dream should be understood as a metaphor for a debilitating, life-draining relationship. I think the question you need to ask yourself is: Is this the kind of relationship you want to be involved in right now?

I recommend that you step back and think a bit about your “friendship” with this woman. Is she really your friend? Does she support you, make you feel good about yourself, does she encourage you to be the best person you can be, does she help you achieve your dreams in this world? Also, what are her motivations for wanting to resume contact? What does she need? Is she back because she values you as a friend - or is she back because she wants something and feels she can manipulate you? Finally, don’t forget that two years ago you made a decision to stop speaking with this woman. There must have been a reason. What was it? Have things changed that much?

You ask if I think you may catch an infectious disease if you resume contact with this woman. I think you might - but it won’t be a physical illness. Rather, it may be a disease of the heart and spirit - that negative, draining energy. Do you want this influence in your life?