My brother died 11 years ago. I was only 14 at the time, and I was completely traumatized. The other night I had a dream that I was sitting a the family picnic table in the house I grew up in.

My brother was sitting at the table with my father and me, and my mother was in the kitchen cooking. I looked at my brother very confused and said “I thought you were dead.” My father told me that they only told me that he died because they figured I could handle that better than knowing that my mother had actually died.

Just then my mother stood behind me and I noticed for the first time that she appeared translucent. She looked at me and said that she couldn’t stay with me anymore. That I was finally ready to handle things without her and that she had to go.

I begged her not to go and started to cry and just then my brother got up and walked away from the table. I started to chase after him, but he didn’t turn around. I also remember that he was wearing denim jeans and that seemed to stand out to me, but I don’t know why.

I have been confused about this dream for the past week. I looked in my dream encyclopedia but couldn’t really figure out what it was about. I have been interested in dream interpretation since I was a teenager and have taken several psychology classes since high school, so it is strange to me that an answer isn’t readily available in my mind. The only thing I can think is that my mind doesn’t want me to know what the interpretation is—but I definitely do.

Please help me if you can, it was a very troubling dream. I am very close with my mother and consider her one of my best friends. She is in excellent health and is only 52 years old so there isn’t any background of health concerns that would make me think she was dying.

- Liz, Age 25, Single, Female, Maspeth, NY, USA

Hi Liz -

I believe your difficulty deciphering this dream - as you suggest - is related to your fear of discovering its meaning. Fortunately, however, this dream appears only to be encouraging you to grow—to take those next tentative steps toward full adulthood.

I am sorry to learn of your brother’s early passing. His death no doubt instructed you, at a young age, of life’s genuine insecurity.

The clue to the meaning of your dream is contained in your mother’s comments. She is leaving you because you are “finally ready to handle things without her.” Death in dreams almost always is a metaphor for change. Her “leaving,” accordingly, is only symbolic. She is not dying, but your relationship with her is in transition.

We don’t know from your dream report what recent event triggered this dream - whether you are living away from home for the first time, starting a new relationship that is becoming significant, or merely progressing in your career to a new level of independence. The message of your dream, though, is that you already understand that your relationship with your mother is changing. Most likely, you are beginning to see your mother less as a parent, and more as an equal.

You clearly are a sensitive and intelligent woman. You have no reason to fear - and every reason to embrace - the blossoming of your individuality. If you ever get nervous about taking the next step, remember that—when we “grow up”—we don’t “lose” anything. We just grow, and we will continue to grow for a long, long time.