I had a dream that I was in a room with a close relative. They were working on a trick break away desk. The room was at the top of a house similar to a house my father’s parents had. The other person in the room with me tried to spook me by jumping at me. I pushed him away and he landed on the desk, it broke away, and he ended up falling a full story to a basement type room. When I got down there, I realized the relative that I pushed was my brother. Also when I got to the basement to check on him he was dead. At which point I freaked out in my dream. Hysteria, tears, and full out grieving for him. Along with the guilt of being the catalyst for his death. I know I didn’t kill him intentionally but I was very upset. A montage of events then took place. Relatives showing up. A wake along with a service. I lose the dream after that.

In reality my brother, his wife and their two children are the focus of our family's crisis. They are having a lot of problems and will end in divorce. The wife is diagnosed with a serious illness and no one feels he’s competent to raise the children, including himself, by himself. Both him and his wife are looking to me and my wife to raise the children. Along with grandparents on both sides.

If you have any input or ideas I really look forward to your thoughts on this. I am quite bothered by the death part of the dream. I have never had someone close to me like that die in my dreams.

--Signed Spooked

Dear Spooked -

Death in dreams tends to symbolize “change” and “going away.” Accordingly, I do not believe you want to “kill” your brother. Rather, I think a part of you does wish that the situation he has caused would “just go away.”

Perhaps you wish there was some “trick” that would allow you to break away from your relationship with your brother. Your brother’s situation has taken you by surprise - he has “spooked” you. Lo and behold you push this relative away from you, and the “trick table” works perfectly. Your brother is broken away from you - for good!

Dreams allow us to “see” feelings and awarenesses that we hold within us that we might not realize, or want to admit. Given the context of your dream, I think it is clear that you have some anger and resentment toward your brother due to the sudden, and unsolicited, burden he is putting on your family. I would caution you from translating your brotherís death too literally.

Try talking openly about your feelings with your wife. Together, you both need to make decisions about how far you both are willing to let your brother’s affairs intrude into your own lives. And be sure to factor your children’s feelings into your decision-making! Best of luck.