Background: I have been engaged for a year and seeing Justin for 3-1/2 years. He has been out of town for weeks, working. This has been the most time we've spent away from each other in the duration of our relationship. Justin's cousin, same age (21) just died unexpectedly of a defect that he had since birth. The dreams occurred exactly a week after the funeral.

My Dream: I was with Justin and his family. His mom discloses to me out of nowhere that he only has a short period of time to live. I go to talk to him and he does not tell me so I start crying. Every time I see him, I start crying.

When I awoke up from this dream, I could tell that I had been crying in my sleep. Because I was worried, I called Justin at work, and he told me that he had a dream too: He dreamed (the same night) that I shot him. He could tell that it was a small handgun that the police carry -- it was a silver .38. He then attended his own funeral, and his parents and I could see him, but no one else could.

What does this mean? And why do we both have dreams on the same night about him dying?

—Christy, age 22, engaged, female, Wisconsin

Hi Christy—

We are sorry to learn of your fiancé's cousin's death. As if your lives weren't hard enough -- coping with the grief -- now you and your fiancé both are dreaming about death! Your recent dreams would cause anyone to wake up confused!

Your first dream shows a clear concern, on your behalf, that you might suddenly lose your fiancé. After all, Justin and his cousin are related. Is it possible that Justin could have the same, hidden birth defect that his cousin did, that would cause him to die suddenly? This fear is transparently reflected in your dream.

Justin's dream, on the other hand, is more curious. Why would he dream of his own death and of you being the one who "pulls the trigger?" The answer, curious as it sounds, is that Justin most likely has experienced a small "death" of his own recently. When we lose a close friend or relative (especially someone who is the same age as we are), it causes us to become aware of our own mortality. When a close friend dies suddenly, we realize it could just as easily have been us.

The significance of you pulling the trigger most likely is that you currently are witnessing Justin's reaction to his cousin's death. Your ability (along with Justin's parents') to see Justin at the funeral shows that, in his time of loss, he still feels very close to you and his parents. We offer our condolences in your time of grieving.