I am a recovering addict and I go to a twelve step program. I haven’t used in almost five years.

I have had relapse dreams since the beginning of my recovery. I am also an ex-smoker and I am often smoking at the beginning of the dream. If I am, then I usually find myself smoking pot from a joint. I don’t realize that it is not a cigarette until after I have already smoked it and relapsed. However, I usually keep smoking it anyway. I am guilt stricken. In the dream I ask myself: “Does this count? Have I really relapsed?”

After I decide that I have relapsed I start thinking about all my friends from the program, and if I will be able to tell them. I know I have to tell them to have any hope for a second chance at recovery. If I am not smoking at the beginning of the dream I usually end up drinking alcohol, but it is the same situation in that it sort of happens by accident. I don’t really know I have done it, until after it happens.

I know these dreams are common for people in recovery. I hear people say that we have them to remind us to be grateful for our recovery. But I wonder why it always happens without me realizing that I am doing it—until it is too late to stop myself? Is the smoking a warning that I am doing something in my life that could precipitate a relapse?

—Anonymous, Age 20, Female, Single, Ventura, CA USA

Hi Anonymous—

Congratulations on five years of sobriety! I know it feels good to wake up with a clear head and a clear conscience every morning. If only these disturbing dreams—of using again—would take their cue and move into your past as well!

Dreams of relapse are common among recovering drug and alcohol users. The temptation to use again, to experiment with our new found power over these drugs that used to wreak such havoc in our lives, almost is irresistible. “Can I have just one glass of wine at a party? Can I smoke again, to feel the high, without losing control of my life?”

When you’ve worked so hard to gain control of your life, a dream of using again is not a high. To the contrary, dreams of relapse are accompanied by enormous senses of guilt, shame, and fear. We are disappointed in ourselves, embarrassed to have let down our friends and support network, and yes, we feel fear, from witnessing ourselves use again—even if it was just a dream.

As you have learned in your twelve step program, our desire to use drugs is greatest when certain, emotional stressors are activated. If we wish to avoid remembering painful experiences in our pasts, or if we wish to avoid thinking about problems that need to be addressed in our futures, drugs can assist the avoidance process. They can help us to forget—for a while. Because most emotional stress is experienced unconsciously, “slips” (back into using again) usually occur suddenly, without warning or conscious contemplation. In other words, a painful event in our waking life can put a drink into our hand, and into our stomach, before we’ve given ourselves time to think about the consequences.

Your dreams are not precognitive. To the contrary, like a mother tending a new born baby, your dreams reflect concerns that an “accident” might befall the wonderful new person you gave birth to—five years ago—when you decided to live free of drugs, alcohol, and other behaviors of compulsion.

What’s the message of this dream? It’s exactly what your friends in your support group tell you: Keep up the good work, and never take yourself, or your sobriety, for granted.