Dear Dream Doctor,

I’ve been married for about 7 years now and periodically my husband will do some strange things in his sleep. Sometimes I’ll unknowingly brush up against him or make a noise and the next thing I know he’s sitting up yelling profanities at me and sometimes even hitting me.

When I ask him if he remembers, most of the time he doesn’t, and he thinks I’m just making up stories. I know he sometimes will have something to drink before bed, and I also know when he’s under stress it also happens. What can be done?

—Anonymous, Age 28, Female, Married, Ventura, CA, USA

Hi Anonymous—

It’s another “confusional arousal!” Thanks for giving us such a good description.

Your husband’s behavior fits into all the classic patterns. He appears to awaken from sleep, then he starts talking gibberish and occasionally feels like he’s being attacked (which is why he sometimes hits you), and in the morning he doesn’t remember a thing! He’s not the greatest bed partner, but understanding what is occurring during these events most likely will help both of you to get a good night’s sleep.

Confusional arousals actually are partial awakenings from sleep. What this means is that, despite your husband’s awake-like appearances, he’s really still asleep. Part of his brain is awake, but most of it is deeply asleep. This explains why his talk is gibberish (you will not be able to carry on a normal conversation during these arousals) and why he feels like he’s being attacked. He’s confused!

Doctors recommend that you do not try to engage your sweetie in conversation during these episodes, except to calm and reassure him. Also, if the arousal is prolonged or agitated, turning a light on in the room immediately will help your honey to realize that he’s just in your bedroom—and that there are no attackers. Also, don’t expect him to remember anything in the morning. Why? Because he never really was awake!